1. The Beer Tent
How long has it been since you held a pint in each hand because the queue is long and you cleverly buy 2 pints at once to keep hydrated. Some pro-tournament goers take all kinds of beer holders to avoid the lengthy wait unless if you are a rookie and only get one. The baseball cap with an additional 2 beer glass holder attached is a popular favourite, the de-luxe model has feeder tubes built in but the mega 6 pint beer belt holder requires some deft movement and control, this version is usually worn by backs with snake hips. In the old days an aluminium bucket was filled to the brim and drinkers would dip, fill ‘n chug although this died out back in 2020 as there were no tournaments.
2. Real Grass
After staging match practice in your living room with cushions and strategically placed settees and armchairs running out on real grass underfoot will make you prance about like a new born foal or an ex-circus lion experiencing the freedom of space and open air. The forwards will roll in the grass and ask to be sprayed down with a water-hose to feel the almost forgotten but familiar sensation of finally covering themselves in mud as they did in the yesteryear halcyon days while the snake hip backs frolic and offer advice on the best hair gel to each other.
3. The Wallace Holler
Everyone knows the William Wallace battle cry of ‘Freedoooom’, well in rugby there is the club holler which has not been sounded or heard for some time. In 2021 this tradition returns in full voice, one particular club before entering the field used to run on the spot, a slow jog at first then gradually increasing the speed of movement whilst passing around a bottle of port or sherry accompanied with a quiet hum which got louder to become a guttural primal scream of the club’s name then toss the empty bottle aside and stampede out onto the field already winners. Yes, those are still memories at the moment but getting to a tournament in 2021 you can revive that winners ritual, and by the golden boot of Jonny Wilkinson’s world cup winning drop goal you need it. Holler.
4. The Fur Coat
Every team has at least one player that when he or she goes for a shower naked it looks like they are wearing a fur coat due to the amount of body hair present. As you can imagine after a full season of no competition the fur coat has become a full jump suit and with a towel over the shoulders it reminds you a Marvel Comic Superhuman. Although the backs in particular may have mocked the fur coat owner in the past but in 2021 it will prove to be such a moving sight to see again and make the hair on their depilated legs instantly grow again. Chabal!
5. Quirky Interludes
It is astonishing how rugby festivals bring out the best of the teams participating. How we long to see the exuberance of heightened rugby humour pushed to almost unacceptable levels on occasions. We have missed the complimentary naked player joining his teams attack with all kinds of ovals flying everywhere, the graceful entrance of the naked bicycle rider carrying his club flag on what looks like a wooden pole and the ever-luminescent-green appearance of the legendary Mankini co-ordinated display especially in lineouts. You definitely must get to a rugby tournament in 2021.
6. That’s Not Me
As mentioned earlier the humour can be savage and the photographs will prove it. The Stag-like pranks committed or set ups to unfortunate team mates or the 1st time on tour guys are endless. The evidence travels faster than Brian Habana on speed trying to catch Jason Robinson on crack who is chasing David Campese who is travelling faster than a cannonball that is really a springbok that’s chasing Brian Habana now on Molly, you get the picture. There it is, latest digital technology in high definition of you in bed with a transvestite dwarf handcuffed to your ankle, yep, it’s happened to the best of us. A gutsy performance are the words used to describe the picture now ‘Liked’ by 25,000+ viewers including ya Ma & Da. In the lyrics of Tricky, it wasn’t me. Get your own back in 2021 on a newcomer to the team and redeem yourself, that’s another reason to get to a rugby tournament in 2021 as no-one has forgotten your episode even though time has passed.
7. Cannae Do It
The simple opening of a can of Stella at home alone with absolutely no-one about has become pointless when you think back to the after match or 3rd Half clubhouse antics and, of course, the drinking games laid on at rugby tournaments. The glowing an vivid memories of the Stretcher Run with vodka, pickles and a beer bong or the sing song extravaganza which includes the removal of articles of clothing can only but make you realise that a rugby tournament in 2021 has to be a priority, time to act, so, get on the media platforms and plant the your hops, oops, hopes for a tour in 2021.
8. My Team for 2021
The club may not be in a position to run an official tour but that wonnae stop you from forming your own team and enter a tournament for 10s,7s, abroad or even a beach rugby shindig with a few friends. Maybe ask your neighbour who doesn’t play rugby but has always wanted to go on a tour as he heard that they are special, there you go, play a few games and reap the benefits of the off pitch entertainment. You deserve it, go on, treat yourself.
9. Call of Duty
COD is the acronym of this formidable video game known internationally and can also be applied to rugby ethics paradoxically, the tactics and roles are similar. The aim is to gain territory with key player units interacting whilst transporting an oval shaped ball that breaches the try line in victory and many battles must be won during an 80 minute war to be an overall champion. The spirit of rugby, however, champions the ingrained values that every rugby enthusiast upholds and always respects the call of duty even if the game is not won on the day there is still the beer tent to play for.
10. Health Warning
To finish on a serious note, a sick note, register for a rugby tournament in 2021 that’s sick, that’s dope but not in any way dopey.